CONFIDENCE

These days parenting is all about building children’s confidence. “Give them some authority,” is the new rule. “Let them know you value their opinion.” “Invite their input.” I bought into this completely during my son’s elementary school years. I made him feel as though he could do anything. I went out and got all the books. I used the words that they taught me. Words like:

“I sure wish I’d had half your ability at math when I was in school.”
“Can you help me organize the closet? You’re so much better than I am at figuring out where things go.”
“How do you think we should do this? I can’t decide.”

The end result is that my kid thinks I’m a bumbling moron. When I go to turn on the T.V., he holds his hand out and says, “Oh my God. Give me the remote.” As we walk out the door he asks, “did you at least remember your keys?”

This can’t possibly be what the psychologists had in mind.

Not only that, he’s very sure that since he’s the only capable one in the house that he has a say in everything that happens around here. For example, a simple Saturday morning will sound like this:

Me:” Okay sweetheart, we need to go run some errands.”
Him: “No.

Obviously I’ve lost control when I’m required to come up with a valid reason for him to leave his computer. Whatever happened to “Get in the goddamn car?” When I was a kid in Michigan, and my parents told me to get in the car, it didn’t matter where they were going, I just got in the car. I got in the car once and ended up in California. I had no idea. New house, new school, no questions. Because my parents weren’t interested in my input AT ALL. If someone had told my father to let me have a little authority, he would have taken a sip of his J&B and uttered his famous phrase. “The door swings both ways.” I remember being horrified. If I didn’t like his rules, I could leave. I tried that little gem out on my son. He replied, “Not only that, the window in the bathroom won’t close.”

And I’m beginning to think it’s too late for me to regain our former master/slave relationship. I suppose it’s my fault for listening to the “experts” who decided that children should have power. Where are these geniuses now that the kid is 5’11″ and ripped? Surely there must be a follow-up book out there explaining the procedure for taking down a teenager who thinks he has it all figured out. I’m thinking Fruity Pebbles, netting and bungie cords.

Me: “Tomorrow after school, we need to get your hair cut.”
Him: “No.”

Seriously though, he’s not rude. And eventually he will become a strong man with solid well thought out opinions. It’s just that right now it’s hard to believe that someone who draws monsters on his arms with a Sharpie pen can be so freaking sure of himself. And you know, maybe that’s what’s so irritating. I think I might be mad at him because I’ve NEVER felt that sure of anything. Never.

So, let’s review. I now resent my son for being exactly what I tried to make him. Someone more confident than I am.

Damn it to HELL.

Rae